It is what I want to come back here with.
It is so great to have you old friends all near at this time. How amazing, the way in the space of 6 days, there were mails and woophy comments - Ani & Ruth within an hour of each other last week, Auds a few days before, but also watchful words from Terry, Jenny, Ana-Pequete, Mimi, going back through the summer. And I couldn't respond.
It is also great to have the "new" friends of woophy there too.
Ruth, your news......I am so proud of you! And what timing to announce it! Tomorrow marks 2 years since my mother-in-law, Leonor died. The reason I came to this town, my mission completed, then the one that followed as a result.
Ruth, this was an uplift and if I helped in any way to put you on that roiad, then I can be happy. But it has been your long walk, that only you can make, like any of us. I want to know how you got there, but for now, it is to feel some joy and to wish you all the best in the world with the next step up in your studies. It sounds more like a giant leap. Go there!!!!!
Today has been strange. People are sending me messages of encouragement, offering prayers, strength, solidarity. They are concerned. Some have done more than send words since this situation broke the surface on July 29 and gave me a month of tests, specialist consultations, scans and a 3-day hospital stay 2 weeks ago for more tests.
It is the "Curse of the Scott Boys". it is my turn, but I am the youngest it has picked on. I have an already-large abdominal aortic aneurysm - known in the trade as a Triple A, but it's no impeccable credit rating.
I will have to explain more, but not now. I have tried for over a week to write this and I find it hard, after these 2 years of being softened up, made more vulnerable and fragile simply by trying to battle and live in this terrribly negative place, in these conditions that give me nothing that I need.
And after all that, this has to happen. Can you understand that I am not prepared - emotionally, spiritually or materially - to face what the specialist wants me to do by the middle of this month? Go in for major surgery then 2 months in limbo in the worst place possible? I have refused to go to tomorrow's booked myocardial test. How can they hope to understand? This is nowhere near a 'normal' life, whatever that may be.
I'll try to explain more next time. For now, the Pavão de São João for all my friends everywhere.
StewXXXXXXXX
13 comments:
My Dearest Sx
Only minutes ago I posted my first blog post for so many months. I had visited your (previous post) and then on a whim came back to you. Serendipity strikes again.
I will not dwell on your health problems...you have always been one step ahead of me in my thoughts....you know how I am feeling to hear such news. Courage my friend....I (and so many others) are with you in ways that some will never be able to comprehend.
With a love....may I say it once more...bigger than the sky..
Rxxxxxx
Oh dearest Stewart you are so right I do not like this news,but I hear it all the same and sit and wonder why the question that has no answer I know...Only today I played Mariza and thought of you and how much you have given us all. If there is any justice in natural life then you will come through this stronger than ever, but cant help but feel you have already been tested enough, yet continue to give of yourself and that my dear dear man says so much about who you are and what your life has been about..giving.
Anything my friend just ask if I can I will and if I cant then I will search for a way
Love you xx Auds
X For Ani strength for both of you
The Pavão de São João, beautiful! Seeing you back here, a gift for all of us. I have to tell you this (here is when you read my imaginary lips) You are a strong man who can deal with life and obstacles in a way you don't realize. You support us even when your knees are weak....and we are the ones to help you get back on your feet those days you stumble.
Thanks friend,I, we missed you a lot.
Love you, Ani
OMG Stew! I can not believe what I have just read. Surely it is not you that has some horrible physical complaint - as in cancer... which requires you to undergo radical treatments which may endanger you health. Please tell me it isn't so. I must be mistaken, I'm sure. You are like a dream - sometimes out of sight and out of mind... yet still resurfacing at different, unbidden times in full force. Always shrouded in mystery, I've never quite been able to figure you out, yet I love your pictures, narratives, heartfelt writings and life's disclosures. Please fill me in young man, and please also be well. Sincere best wishes Stew - and love.
xoxo
My dear Sx
I've been googling since the early hours to learn more about Triple A. All decisions are yours alone but I can't help but remember one so close to my heart who fought each day to see a tomorrow. I do hope you change your mind and go to your appointment.
I shall be thinking of you especially today...a difficult day for you I know.
Forever yours
Rx
Stewart, somehow I missed the serendipity this time - I haven't been visiting many blogs & barely keeping mine up to date.
Always a struggle for us my friend!
I'm glad that you found a good place to be at Woophy - your pics look great.
Now you are back here. Keep us informed & keep in good spirits as best you can.
I'm just an e-mail away.
My serendipity is a little late but something made me click on your blog today, Stewart, even though you hadn't posted since April the last time I was here! I was so glad to see a new post - but so sorry to hear of your health problem.
I've known two people who had to have surgery on their abdominial aortic aneurysms, and both recovered very well and lived many years afterward.
My thoughts are with you - please don't neglect it if the doctors say you need the surgery - it is very dangerous if it bursts.
I must start checking the woophy site to keep up with you more often...
Hugs,
Mimi
My Dear Stewart
Is there any further news?
Love
Rxxx
I'm visiting all my friends' blogs because I need your help and if possible, you readers'!! I'm encouraging my students to write using the Internet, but I think it would be great if they see people from different countries are coming to read them. Please, pay them a visit and leave a comment. Kiss and thanks!!
Here are the links:
http://donotreadmythiblog.blogspot.com
http://preprofwritingproject.blogspot.com
Hi Stew...found you by accident on the enormous www. Hope you are feeling better...Miss you at Woophy!
Hugs from Santos!
Never too late, Mimi. I had come looking for you but there was no reply at the door.
Laura, well found! How did that happen? But bem-vinda to my closest thing to a virtual home. I don't think I'll be back on woophy, as it just ceased to be right for me. It has also become rather boring, particularly since I have stopped shooting photos for the first time in about 8 years. Nothing to shoot.
This is a much better place for dialogue. And I am going to try to say what I need to get out of me here, for whoever comes. And myself.
Still no operation. I have my reasons.
Bless my friends.
I saw this pavão online when I celebrated my birthday in Boston. I'll never forget neither the pic nor the Man who created it.
When I look a the flower I painted after being inspired by your picture or to the Alentejo scenery all blue and white, I can't help missing you, my Friend.
You reconciled me with my daughter's disease and have always had the right comment at the right moment when my life was going through very rough periods.
At the same time I feel so damn recent in your life, I can't expect anything from you now but silence.
I found this blogspot by chance.So I decided to send you this.
Here are some lines from a Divine Comedy's song, which portray what I feel about life and your condition.
And I believe
I can see it all so clearly now
You must go and I must set you free
’cause only that will bring you back to me
I know that it will happen
Because I believe in the certainty of chance
Sometimes at night the darkness and silence weighs on me. peace frightens me. perhaps I fear it most of all. I feel it’s only a facade, hiding the face of hell. I think of what’s in store for my
Dren tomorrow; the world will be wonderful, they say; but from whose viewpoint? we need to live in a state of suspended animation, like a work of art; in a state of enchantment... de
D. detached.
Love forever
Gi
Just a correction in the lyrics of the song I've sent:
"I think of what's in store for my children tomorrow"
No one knows that, do they?
xxx Gi
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